Do I consider myself an artist?

I’ve written about AI art and about what I believe an artist is. But do I consider myself an artist?

As I’ve written before, I’m careful about calling myself one.

But don’t I know how I feel about myself?

Of course I do.

I have always been creative. You can see it in all my books from when I was a kid in school, both the ones I was allowed to draw in and the ones I definitely wasn’t supposed to draw in.

Still, I’m careful with calling myself an artist.

In early 2020, I started drawing again. I was told that this was a direction nobody should pursue, that it wouldn’t take me anywhere. Little did I know how big this world actually was, and how little people outside of it knew about it.

It is huge. Sometimes it feels endless.

When I started in 2020, all I wanted was to sell a lot of work and eventually live from my art. When I ask other people what they want from their art today, the answer is often the same. They want to make a living from it.

I was fortunate enough to become part of a gallery at one point, for better and for worse.

I quickly learned how easy it was to lose myself.

The focus became sales. If I wanted to sell, I should make this. I should make that. I should create more of what people wanted.

Somewhere in that process, I lost myself.

I lost the entire reason I started in the first place.

The flame inside me died.

I went through many phases. I tried to reach a level I wasn’t ready for yet. I did everything I could to get recognition, to be seen and to be accepted.

But that isn’t what art is about.

Now, after so many mistakes, so much comparison, jealousy and doubt, I’ve reached a point that finally gives me room to grow and develop within what I actually enjoy. Without the need for people around me to tell me what I should create or what might sell.

Of course, I still have difficult days. Days where I feel like what I create deserves to be seen more. Days where I want more recognition.

I’m human.

And maybe that is exactly what is beautiful about it.

I’m human. I feel.

I no longer create because I need to sell.

I create because I need to breathe.

As cliché as that might sound, creative work feels as natural to me as breathing. It is something I need to do to survive, but not something I have to force myself to do.

It just happens naturally.

So, do I consider myself an artist?

Maybe I’m still careful with saying it.

But I know that I need to create.